I knew today was going to be a bad day. Once one thing goes wrong, it sets of a cascading chain of events that one could not have predicted.
It all started off on Wednesday. I had an appointment for the doctor about my gammy knee which required a 5am start for reasons that are too boring to divulge. Thursday comes around. Due to the fatigue of the previous day’s early start, I had forgotten to revert my alarm back to 5:20am rather than the ungodly hour that is 5am. Unfortunately, this oversight on my part went entirely unnoticed. I did not check the time when I got up, I just made a beeline for the shower, not letting myself contemplate the extra half an hour in bed that I secretly yearned for. I showered. I sat down in front of the TV with a cup of tea as per my daily routine. The BBC clock in the corner said 5:33 am, “but how can that be?” I exclaim to myself. I could not have completed my shower in under 3 minutes. “Oh…. Ohhhhhhhhh” I chuckle to myself sadistically. “I know what’s happened here. You’ve been an utter fuck-tard haven’t you…” It’s a rhetorical question.
It’s now Friday, and I haven’t forgotten my late night cock up of the day before. I change my alarm to 5:30am, as this is the time I usually get up. This is wrong. This simple action has started off a chain of events so terrible, the culmination of which means that I am sat at work in my Hunter wellies.
I usually set my alarm for 5:20am because I like to have 10 minutes to contemplate my day before I am required to get up. 5:30am comes and my alarm is furiously screeching in my ear like some wretched dying animal. In order not to repeat yesterday’s mistake, I check the time. I then realise that my contemplation time has been slashed from 10 minutes to just 2, even then it’s encroaching on my morning schedule. In this time I come to the conclusion that this weekend’s planned girly retreat is going to require me to stand in my pants at some point for about ½ an hour as 4 women take over a 2 bedroom bungalow to get dressed up. A terrifying thought ensues… (TMI ALERT!) I am going to have to shave my bikini line in order to avoid any embarrassment.
A quick tidy up is all that’s required, it’s not like The Land Before Time down there, so it should only take 5 minutes or so. Then I elect to shave my legs too. This means I add yet another 5 mins to my shower time, on top of the 2 minutes contemplation time, and I am all of a sudden a long way behind my usual morning schedule.
Upon switching on the TV and realising that the weather is on before I’ve even taken my first sip of my cup of tea, I realise the gravity of the situation. Still, a girl needs a a few minutes to sit down and rest before she blow-dries her hair!
I’m not even dressed by the time ES is out of the shower. This means I am walking to work with a face clad only in foundation. I was so late that the rest of my makeup will need to be applied at my desk at 7am. This is the first time that this has happened in 18 months! It also means that I dressed all in black for casual Friday as it was the only safe option when I had less than 2 minutes to pick an outfit (another side effect of not having 10 minutes contemplation time!) I can pretend that I was channelling VB as per her recent Paris trip but I feel that you’ll see right through me.
So, you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with my Hunter wellies? Well, my walk to work is up a disused road and a stream has broken it’s banks. So I walk up in my wellies and change to heels at the office. Due to my lack of contemplation time, I had forgotten that today was the day that we were meant to be changing offices. Cue repeated trips carrying huge boxes, computers, monitors, folders and assorted stationary. I bravely started out in my 6” heels that I had unwittingly chosen from my enormous collection. After about 20 minutes, my toes were on fire, my legs were aching and I not only desperately wanted to sit down, but I also wanted to kill anyone that came within clawing distance. They had to come off and fast.
Therefore, I write to you now, wearing green Hunter wellingtons and a pair of wet look jeans. All because I didn’t get my contemplation time.