Everything I put on today looked horrific.
It was just one of those days. You know the ones, you put on an (insert item here) and it looks utterly crap, you feel (insert adjective here. Suggestions: frumpy, fat, funereal). So, you take off (insert previous item here) and decide to try something new. Upon deciding that it looks even worse, your emotions take a tumble for the worse and you start to feel frustrated. “Why does everything look so shit!?” you lament. Your wardrobe rummaging becomes ever more furious, and your dismissal of clothing becomes more and more irrational. Eventually you get to the point where you ‘no longer effing care’ and storm out of the house either wearing something completely outrageous or something entirely dull.
Let me take you through today’s outfit selection. I have recently created a board on Pintrest to inspire me towards the casual dressing with which I seem to have so much trouble.
Recently I have noticed a surge in the wearing of lumberjack shirts, especially those which are oversized. In the spirit of this, I stole one of ES’s shirts and teamed it with a mini skirt, fishnet style tights and my wedge trainers.
It looks all right, but I just don’t feel happy in it! I don’t feel sexy. I don’t know how I actually do feel, and that’s never a good thing.
The temperature in Aberdeen has plummeted recently, to the point where I’m surprised that activists aren’t picketing the arrival of the next ice age, and as a result I needed some sort of jacket accompaniment. At this point I was still intending to wear this outfit despite not knowing how I felt about it, I was still hoping it would come to me…
It did come to me. I felt fat. This was the combination of an incredibly huge breakfast and a waist belt. My stomach felt huge and the belt felt tight. Not good.
I decided I wanted to look more inconspicuous so I went for an all black ensemble, deciding to stick with the skirt and tights as I figured that the best way to detract from my enormous tummy was to get the pins out.
You can see the wasteland of discarded items behind me. This top was OK, I liked it, but I still felt a little bit podgy in it as it’s fairly fitted and I was pregnant with a 6lb 4oz food baby.
Therefore, I decided to go from a little dull, to utterly wacky:
I found ES’s viciously studded belt and popped it on with this slightly baggy, sheer backed jumper with elbow patches. The sheer back is sexy, the jumper is loose enough that it skimmed my round belly. The studded belt toughened the look up and still stuck out from underneath my leather jacket.
In truth, I was so emotionally traumatised by this experience that had I not been meeting Kerry at 3pm I would have probably just got back in my PJs and done the ironing.
I’m usually one of those people that lies in bed and just mentally picks an outfit. I put it on, it looks great, I leave the house, it’s all gravy. This is mainly because I only ever wear dresses and if it looked good when you bought it, it’s hardly going to look any different when you put it on 4 months later.
To summarise, I really don’t like lumberjack shirts, and I definitely ate too much for breakfast. In fact, as I write this, it is now 7.5 hours since I ate and I’m still overwhelmingly, uncomfortably stuffed.