The other week I was flicking through Pintrest and clogging everyone’s feed with pictures of bikinis that I felt I should like to purchase (not from a charity shop I hasten to add!). Since my my BMI has dropped to the slimmer side of normal I have wondered on a regular basis why I don’t look like a swimwear model. I mean seriously!? What has a girl got to do! I lot almost a stone for Christ’s sake, surely that should be enough!!
I couldn’t understand why, despite my slim limbs, I still looked like a pregnant lady. The slightly stalkerish monitoring of K-Middy’s baby bump by the Daily Mail was showing me that despite her being 21 weeks pregnant, I still looked closer to birth than she did, and I am 100% certain that I am not with child, despite some very strong cravings for Mars bars recently making themselves known.
It was on a visit to Chez Bremner to visit Mr and Mrs B that I decided to moan about my little paunch. I floated a number of theories throughout the weekend before resorting to desperate measures on Saturday morning. We were preparing to go bikini shopping as all my saggy and sad, slightly greying bikinis were now no longer fit for anything, not even 10 minutes in a ladies only sauna, when I burst out of the spare bedroom in only my bra and pants gesticulating with a wild desperation at my expanded tummy.
“Just look at it Lesley! Look at it! Why?!” I had recently stepped up my efforts at the gym regularly cracking out 100 tummy exercises in various reps of 10 at least twice a week along with other knee strengthening activities that were more fervently recommended by my physio. I continued to stick my fingers into various locations of my tummy with forlorn ferocity and look at her pleadingly.
Lesley is an ex ballet dancer and, at 5″8 tall, is very striking. In her usual succinct manner, she uttered one word that struck both fear and hope into my heart.
“Darling, your posture is shite. Your shoulders are rolled forwards, your hips are hanging backwards and your belly is sticking out at a result.”
The fear is because I already knew my posture was lacking, and hope because I might finally be able to banish the baby bump. It turns out that you can lose your belly in around 5 seconds with some helpful instruction from an honest friend.
I know you’re all used to only seeing lingerie and swimwear models in a state of undress, but allow me to temporarily break away from the norm.
Image one – Front facing ‘normal’ posture (normal in the sense that this is how I’ve unfortunately spent at least the last decade standing up)
Image two – Side facing
Image 3 – Step 1 – Suck your tummy in, sounds fairly obvious huh? Truth is I’m lazy so I’ve avoided this obvious course of action… up until now!
Image 4 – side view – still just tummy sucked in.
Image 5 – step two – tuck your hips under (I would never have considered this!)
Image six – side view with hips tucked under, this improves both my tummy and my bottom and I’ll never go back to standing the same way as in images one and two ever again.
Image seven – Shoulders back – every one tells you to do this regardless of how you feel about your tummy because it’s simply good posture and better for your back. I am now sitting straighter at my desk and feel better for it!
Image eight – shoulders back, side view
I’ve still got no boobs, but at least this way my belly doesn’t stick out 3 foot in front of them. Whenever I take a walk I feel like I get a constant work out. This has revolutionised my world, and with every day that passes it feels a little more natural.
Now to comment on the bikini… This one if from H&M and it is part of a collection where I feel they have truly nailed ‘sports-luxe chic’. Lesley discovered them and their range was so huge that we took around 8 of their styles into the changing room.
The second one I bought is very practical and I have instructed ES to take me on a warm holiday before the end of summer so that I can wear them, now that I am employed as the lead swimwear model for LFFL. There were no other candidates that applied for the job…
Apologies once again for my un-made up face, but I wouldn’t want any make up to detract from my excellent abs… (har har)
You can really see my body shape in this, broad shoulders, very narrow hips, very small bust. Even in the first picture you can see that my rib cage sticks out further than my boobs. These are things that I just can’t change. It’s a very boyish figure and I have to work hard to make it womanly. In fact, it’s difficult because I’m either toned and look slightly masculine or I’m a little podgy and I don’t develop lovely round curves, I develop lumps and bumps. But, you have to work with what your genes gave you, so boyish slim hips and broad shoulders is what I’ve got. As a result I do very little upper body work at the gym and concentrate mainly on tummy, bum and legs.
If you feel the need to try it out, please let me know how you feel about the results and I’ll pass your message on to Mrs B!